Episodes

How does a successful career in film and television lead to a passion for supporting people to design their deaths? When a temporary pit stop working at a local hospice turned into a 17 year career collecting the stories of dying people, Kimberly Paul was as surprised as anyone. But the loss of her recently ex-boyfriend to cancer (the break-up later revealed as his attempt to protect her from his death and her grief) made her work much more personal. It became her mission to facilitate end of li...

5 nurses who helped veterans at the end of their lives noticed something they came to call soul injury. A result of unspent grief, Shane and guilt, it plagued the men. They decided to devote themselves to sharing the lessons about how to heal soul injury with people who were not veterans and who were not actively dying. Join us to talk with Deborah Grassman, one of the founders, who works to bring their work to everyone. She is also working to make January soul injury month.

Daniel Kenner’s parents had always been loving, giving people who gave all they had to the world. Their ability to do that declined sharply when his father was diagnosed with dimentia and his mother, shortly after, with cancer. Daniel took every opportunity to support them, but also to ask them questions and hear their stories. Putting his life on hold, as so many caregivers do, he took advantage of this precious, short time in which he knew he would soon be without them. The resulting book, Roo...

As each year passes there is more and more open discussion about death. This leads naturally to a conscious consideration of how we want to die. Having lived through the difficult hospital deaths (despite preparation and living wills in place) at his two parents, Bart Windrum became committed to defining a gentle and dignified passing. He also became passionate about defining a way to make it more likely that this could actually be accomplished. Join us to discuss his recent book, The Promised L...

When Heidi Connolly's husband died, she faced the prospect of living a very different life, without the support of the person she was closest to. But while she felt the loss keenly, she still felt as if she was communicating with Randy and that he was guiding her towards a very different use of her talents. She had been an editor, bringing other people's words to life. Her talent had often been described as channeling. But now, Randy suggested she could channel people who had died, including him...

When she discovered that her daughter was being abused by her ex-husband, Maralee McLean tried everything imaginable to protect her. But she encountered a system unwilling and unable to accept that they were being manipulated. Maralee's pain and anguish and her ultimate ability to face and change the situation fueled a fierce commitment to changing the system that had failed her. Join us to hear the story of this terrible loss of safety and trust and how Maralee and her daughter found their ways...

Mason Summit's father died when he was only 11. Now 22, how did the loss affect who he has become and how he relates to life? His career as a musician began after his father died, when he felt a strong need to express what he was going through. In being able to express his deepest experiences, he found the solace he needed. And this has led to a passion for both music and expression. Join us when we talk about what his life was like with his father and after his father and how he still carries o...

How does a life change when the person you're closest to in the world dies? For Paul Linke, that person was his wife and the mother of his three children. When she died of breast cancer at 37, he entered a new landscape. As an actor and writer, the natural outgrowth of his loss and mourning was the creation of a one man show about the loss and his response to it. This then led to continued performances of the work around the world. He went on to marry again and have a fourth child. But how does ...

AnnE O'Neil buried her grief in alcohol, following the model she witnessed in her family. Only when her life fell apart did she begin to see that she would have to develop a program to stay clean and sober. That would only be possible if she was willing to grieve. When her husband died, this commitment deepened and led to her life's work, to help people heal from grief and addiction, and to see the connection between the two. Her memoir, If You Want the Rainbow, Welcome the Rain, chronicles her ...

How can we use technology to reduce the isolation and alienation that often comes along with grief? When Kimberly Libertini and Robynne Boyd were facing profound loss, a friend connected them to exchange text messages and support each other through their hardest moments. They were both amazed at how helpful it was, even though they didn't know each other before that. This is the experience that fueled their passion to create the Goodgriefapp, where people can connect anonymously to offer each ot...

This week we turn the tables to talk about Good Grief host Cheryl Jones and her novel, An Ocean Between Them. The story is about a mother and her lesbian daughter estranged and alienated. It is also a story of deep redemption and transformation, as they work together to repair what has been broken. Dawn Gross, radio host of Dying to Talk and palliative care physician at UCSF, will turn the tables on Cheryl and explore how the book came to be written, what matters most to Cheryl in telling the st...

What does it mean to forgive the person who has injured you in your life more than any other? There was no thought of forgiveness when Stephanie Cassatly's mother was murdered before Stephanie had even fully launched into adulthood. It was many years before she considered that it was possible and more years before she realized that she was imprisoned along with the person who killed her mother. Taking the road to forgiveness was long and difficult but, at a certain point, compelling and necessar...

Alua Arthur was an attorney working with the most difficult problems we could imagine; abuse, poverty and assault. But she had done the work with energy and joy until she suddenly found herself depressed and uninspired, lacking any joy in the work. Knowing she would have to leave the work she had loved, it took some time to find her true life's calling; helping people prepare to die and then accompanying them and their families through death. Join us to hear the fascinating way she found passion...

What would you do if you were wrongly convicted of murder and sentenced to an indeterminate period in prison? Marvin Mutch served 41 years before he was finally exonerated. But instead of losing himself to bitterness or violence, over time he began to discover how he might support his fellow inmates. There was a high rate of suicide among his fellows, and the ones left behind didn't have the skills to deal with the aftermath. Ultimately, he founded the Brother's Keepers at San Quentin, supportin...

What has compelled you after a loss? When Susan Hayden lost her husband it was sharing time and space with writers and musicians. Beginning as a way to focus on something besides grief after her loss, her Library Girl series offered comfort and inspiration, re-engaging her with her new normal. As time has gone by, she has been especially interested in sharing the writing and music of artists who create work out of loss, adding depth to her monthly performance events and carving out a place of re...

What draws a person to the funeral industry and then to green burial? For Elizabeth Fournier, it was many early losses and a fascination with how people said goodbye. But it was her clients who inspired her to seek greener practices when it came to burial. Maybe we could be buried on our own land, or by the people who love us. Maybe a community could take control of the process and create it in a way that honors the person they've lost. And maybe this could lead to a revolution in the funeral in...

Losing three close people in quick succession brought Martin Keogh into a period of intense mourning. He was quickly aware that close people in his life had no idea how to support him. His curiosity and depth of feeling led him to a deep investigation of what people can do when someone they love is mourning. His book, As Much Time as it Takes, condenses what he learned from many experts on grief and bereavement and offers guidance on how to be there for grieving friends and loved ones. How did h...

On a day like any other, Jonathan Santlofer was suddenly dropped into the chaos of intense grief when his wife of 40 years suddenly died. His losses before this did not prepare him for his upended life. It did not prepare him for the insensitive and alienating things people said to him when he was too vulnerable to respond. It did not prepare him for the internal conflict of whether and how much to share about his intense mourning. He also had the sense that his inability to share his feelings a...

When Jay Perry's father was diagnosed with cancer, Jay's natural rhythm was thrown into chaos. Wasn't he too young to be faced with whether to continue on his life path or interrupt everything to be with his dad? Making the choice to have that time with his father and help him navigate his final days was radical, difficult, and not to be missed. From diagnosis to death, Jay shares the story of these final times with his dad in his book, My Dad Got Sick. Now he shares what he learned with us.

Pain is a signal that something is wrong. But what if the cause of that pain cannot be relieved? What if we must learn to live with it? Sarah Shockley found herself in just this situation. The condition which was causing constant, debilitating nerve pain could not be completely corrected. So Sarah set out to learn all she could about ending the battle she was in with her pain, and finding a way to live fully with the pain. The result was the book she couldn't find when she was first diagnosed; T...

Danna Schaeffer's life was good. She and her husband were happy with their work, and especially happy about the rising stardom of their daughter, Rebecca. But their world fell apart when their daughter was murdered by a stalker. It would be many years before Danna, a playwright, would create You in Mid Air, and play about loving, and losing Rebecca. Described as both honest, poignant and funny, Danna's play captures both the grief and continued life of her relationship with the daughter she lost...

When Brittany Maynard was diagnosed with a virulent brain tumor, she investigated what might help her and how the end would look if nothing helped. What she learned about how that end would likely unfold scared her more than anything. She searched for a way to stay in her home state of California and still experience a gentle, pain free death when the time came. But there was none. With the support of her husband, Dan Diaz, and the rest of her family, she made the wrenching decision to move to O...

The prison population is aging and with the longer sentences of recent years, more and more prisoners are dying without ever being released. How are they cared for? Is there anyone there to comfort or witness them in the final hours of their lives? There is a movement afoot to train other prisoners to offer care and compassion at the end of life. The impact on the ones who are doing this work, both prisoners and trainers, is profound. With the potential for loving end of life care, no matter wha...

What does it take to forgive and then form a relationship with the man who murdered your father? Margot Van Sluytman lost her dad in an armed robbery when she was 16. She immediately wanted to know the man who had taken him from her. But she had many miles of grief to travel before that day would come. She needed to walk her grief and she used her writing to do that. It was 30 years later when they finally met. Surprisingly, they felt a connection. The worst moment in each of their lives was som...