Episodes

When all we know leaves us unprepared for loss, we must find a new way to respond. And when suicide is involved, the weight of what could have been can be weighty. Tara Caffelle’s former husband and good friend died, and she was left to sort out what she could have done, knowing she had done all she could. In her grief, she found her life.

How does someone find his way from the murder, at age 14, of both his parents to a life guided by big love? Scott Stabile evolved from putting his grief aside and going on with life to honoring and respecting, even inviting, his grief. In the process, he learned a lot about living with an open heart and loving himself and others as completely as possible in each moment. When he opened up to his deepest feelings, his deepest self, what he found was an unequivocal commitment to living a big, lovin...

As the United States increases its levels of incarceration and the length of sentences, more and more inmates are aging and dying in prison. How are they to be supported at the end of life? At Iowa State Penitentiary, the medical staff collaborated with the inmates to create a hospice program for dying incarcerated men. A special room is designed with comfort in mind, and prisoners who are part of the program can attend to the needs of the dying person. Family members can visit as well, giving e...

What is the legacy of trauma to future generations? Recent epigenetics research reveals that even the DNA of children, grandchildren and beyond are affected by severe trauma in generations before them. And so, the killings of 6 million Jews in the Holocaust, the genocide in Rwanda, the bombings in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the falling of the Twin Towers in New York; we continue to be affected by them. Elizabeth Rosner's parents, who lived through the Holocaust and came to the U.S., then eventually...

Jahnna Beecham and Katie Ortlip were friends and neighbors who sometimes had interesting conversations about Katie's work in hospice. She'd sometimes come home talking about a good death she'd experienced that day. The conversation became much more real for Jahhna when her 90 year old father was given a short time to live and she took on his care. Suddenly, she needed every bit of knowledge her friend Katie could share with her. As time went on, she realized she was not alone in needing this vit...

When Bill Philipps was fourteen, he watched his mother die after a life without peace. A few days later, he experienced the first manifestations of his unusual gift when she came to him to tell him what it was like now that she had died and crossed over. Over the years, he came to trust the times he heard others speak to him from the other side. But he didn't see himself as someone who fit the mold of a psychic medium. It took him years to claim his true gift and commit himself to offering it to...

Mindy Fried resolved to take the best possible care of her father as he neared the end of his life. That commitment was complicated by distance, a lifetime of relationship and the usual difficulties of care management, both his and hers. What supported her, more than anything, was the moments she took to write down what was happening. This simple practice, one she had employed many times for many reasons, kept her focused on what she was attempting. In the process, it gave her valuable insight i...

When Laura Lewis children were three and six, the love of her life, the father of her children, killed himself without warning. In the years that followed, she struggled to regain her balance, experiencing a destructive rebound relationship (which brought the blessing of a third child), a divorce and countless twists and turns. In the process, she learned what it took to keep herself healthy and well and, as she gained resiliency and strength, she found a passion for helping other people along t...

After years of work in end of life care, Mary Matthiesen was blindsided by the death of her mother. She was also filled with inspiration resulting from the conversations they had and the choices her mother made about completing her life on her own terms. In an evolution in her thinking born out of her story, Mary became impassioned about these conversations between people at the end of their lives, health care professionals and community leaders, believing that it is in the intersection between ...

After the death of his mother, Ned Buskirk wondered why we don't talk about death more. As a producer and artist, he found a way to invite the conversation when he hosted a small event in his home, called You're Going to Die: Poetry, Prose and Anything Goes. It was a hit, and led to larger and larger monthly events, a musician's program to work with people at the end of life, and finally, the largest event ever at the Great American Music Hall; You're Alive. He has established a non profit to su...

As a young and innocent 13 year old, Madeleine Black experienced an unimaginable and brutal rape which changed the course of her life. Although she spent many years affected by the experience, she was able, through her own perseverance and determination, to heal herself and create a life which she calls the best revenge. In the process, as a complete surprise to her, she came over many years to forgive the men who hurt her and let go of the anger and horror she had carried with her. By facing he...

Mirabai Starr was decades into a deep spiritual practice. Then on the day her first book, a translation of Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross, came out, her daughter was killed in a car crash. All she knew went out the window in this loss beyond all losses. Over time, what seemed to be lost after her daughter's death led to a transformation and deepening of her spiritual life. In her newest book, Caravan of No Despair: A Memoir of Loss and Transformation, she shares the path she too...

Phyllis Shacter's husband made a series of radical choices about how his life would end. When he received two life limiting diagnoses within six weeks of each other, Alzheimers and cancer, he refused cancer treatment and employed natural methods instead. He planned and participated in his own funeral and followed what he believed was best for him, choosing to stop eating and drinking before he was unable to consciously decide how his life would end. Throughout all of these experiences and decisi...

People experiencing serious mental illness are likely to suffer numerous losses; of family, jobs, stability and security. How can they be supported to identify their own goals and move towards accomplishing them, even if their condition cannot be fully managed? How do we maintain faith in their human capacity for change and growth within their own context? Psychiatrist William Tucker learned through his relationships with clients in the field that no matter what the diagnosis, they had goals and...

Until recently, very little attention was paid to the quality of our lives at the very end of our lives. But that is changing, fueled by patient demand but also by a group of medical practitioners who are passionate about making sure everything possible is done to empower people at the end of life. At the forefront of this movement are the palliative care doctors who help seriously ill and dying people navigate the territory they have entered, often unprepared. Shoshana Ungerleider took her own ...

Lucy Hone was already an expert on resilience when she faced the worst nightmare of her life; her daughter, best friend, and best friend's daughter were killed together in an auto accident. How did she use what she knew about resilience to face her grief? What does the field of resilience have to offer grievers? And how do we decide, in each moment, which of our many human tools to activate to carry us to the next day? For Lucy, the constant question was, will this help me or hurt me? By paying ...

As a person who had a long time meditation practice, Joe DiNardo had carried himself through hard times with presence and grace. But his wife's diagnosis with pancreatic cancer required that he bring every resource he had to each moment. He was sustained by his practice and also by an acute sense of his love for her and his absolute commitment to be with her every step of the way. How did his meditation practice help him do that? What sustained him through the loss of his life partner and love? ...

From the time Fleur was 4 years old, she communicated with the souls of people who were no longer alive. By good fortune, her family recognized that this was a gift, that she was different in a good way. Still, she didn't anticipate making a living with that gift. She grew up, and entered pre-med at UCLA in Los Angeles. Somehow, despite her intention for a medical career, she found her way to a life of communication with souls beyond this life. How did the road lead her to a full time career as ...

Filmmaker Matt Wolf is compelled by the people who nurture the legacy of artists who died of AIDS. He has made films about and interviewed many people who lived through the worst of the AIDS epidemic and fight to keep the public remembering and revering those we lost. A vibrant and highly creative community was in some ways decimated during those terrible years and we are left with the works they created yet also with the knowledge of what will never be created. What guides those who guard these...

How does a cancer diagnosis change a life? When Patricia Bahia was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, it resulted in a commitment to live her bucket list. For her, this meant committing her life to two things; well-being and music. For her, that was really one thing. Her music was a place to express her new relationship to her life and to engage more fully with every aspect of that life. Her songs inspire, sooth and express the wonder of living with an awareness that we all, someday, die!

Holland Young was an impish and active 3 year old when she started complaining to her parents that she had a headache. In short order, she transformed from a very healthy to a very sick child. As the Youngs navigated the agonizing world of cancer treatment for children, what could they rest in? What helped them face the unimaginable? What gave them a way to love life again, especially after Holland died of her illness? Already strong Christians, they found themselves depending even more deeply o...

Bill Hayes left his life in San Francisco for New York City, hoping to heal from the loss of his partner and find comfort in the sharp rhythms and landscape of the New York skyline. Unexpectedly, he fell in love with Oliver Sacks, famous for his many books and stunning career as a neurologist. Sacks fell in love with Bill at 75 years old, having never fallen in love before. In the few years they experienced together they found something precious and beautiful. And Bill was there to see Oliver th...

Nancy Saltman has had and survived cancer twice. But that could not have prepared her for the worst losses of her life. On an ordinary day, she got the phone call telling her that her husband and two sons, her whole family, had died in a plane crash. How would she find her way to a life she wanted to live? By stepping left, then right, she slowly created a new life. Some of the things that helped her rested on things she had always done, like helping others and writing. She realized her early li...

Finding recovery, purpose and peace all the way to the end of our lives can be challenging. Aging, with its accumulated losses and disappointments, finds us. Navigating the territory of life's difficulties in midlife carries unique obstacles. But it also holds the promise of being motivated to the lives we truly want to live! In learning how to grieve and then go on to grow, midlife can lead to our best life. But what are the ingredients that hold this promise? And how do we ensure that we won't...