Episodes

Psychological abuse is common and yet few understand the psychological abuse definition enough to spot it. Without the visible signs of physical abuse, psychological abuse can stay hidden for years. Psychological abuse, though, can be just as devastating as physical abuse. Psychological abuse can affect your inner thoughts and feelings as well as exert control over your life. You may feel uncertain of the world around you and unsafe in your own home. Psychological abuse can destroy intimate rela...

Living alone is a modern phenomenon. For most of history, very few people lived alone. In the U.S., even as recently as 1960, only 7 million people lived alone; they accounted for just 13 percent of all households. By 2020, more than five times as many Americans were living alone, 36.2 million. Of course, the entire population was growing, but even as a proportion of all households, the rate of living alone had more than doubled, to 28 percent. Now, if you were to knock on any door at random in ...

We all make mistakes, and we do so with regularity. Some errors are small, such as, “No, we don’t need to stop at the store; there’s plenty of milk left for breakfast. Some are bigger, such as, “Don’t rush me; we have plenty of time to get to the airport before the flight leaves.” And some are crucial, such as, “I know it was raining and dark, but I’m sure that was the man I saw breaking into the home across the street.” No one enjoys being wrong. It’s an unpleasant emotional experience for all ...

Debates over how to parent are as old as parenting itself. The truth is Good Enough is all we can strive for. In the recent past, we've seen the Tiger Mom, who threatened to burn her daughter's stuffed animals if she didn't play a piano piece correctly. American parents' overindulgence, she said, was why Chinese mothers are superior. Here in the U.S., advocates of attachment parenting recommend co-sleeping and baby-wearing, while others believe babies need to learn how to self-soothe (that is, c...

Sometimes the stressors of the modern world make us just want to scream. The constant bombardment of negative news and our continual connection to our technological devices can make us feel trapped, with a strong desire to escape. Perhaps we just need some time alone to heal and nurture ourselves. When we have this feeling, it might be that our minds and souls are sending us messages. We’re being reminded that it’s time to step away and indulge in some self-care. Tune in and learn healthy and un...

It’s impossible to go through life without causing hurt to those people we love. We may have to do this for their own good—for instance, when we need to be firm with a child who we believe is engaged in destructive behaviours. We may inflict pain on another person when we need to do what is right for us, such as leaving a relationship. Most of us feel bad about inflicting hurt and might stay in situations way too long for fear of hurting our loved ones. But some people go through life causing a ...

Suicide often stems from a deep feeling of hopelessness. The inability to see solutions to problems or to cope with challenging life circumstances may lead people to see taking their own lives as the only solution to what is really a temporary situation, and most survivors of suicide attempts go on to live full, rewarding lives. Depression is a key risk factor for suicide; others include psychiatric disorders, substance use, chronic pain, a family history of suicide, and a prior suicide attempt....

When your marriage is in trouble, you don't have any options without pain or sacrifice. You can divorce, separate, stay in the marriage, or get creative and change the marital rules. Each option has trade-offs. Everyone knows that divorce is extremely difficult on many fronts. Not only is it a tremendous loss (loss of stability, loss of a partner, loss of a dream, loss of a sense of family), but it can be quite challenging financially and socially. This is especially true when the couple has chi...

Because narcissists operate in an ‘all about me’ fashion, the world revolves around them, their needs and desires. They continue to be selfish and expect others, including their children, to cater to them. So, when their child does well, they take credit and brag about the child, and when the child struggles, they blame the child or others for it. They are controlling and they readily induce guilt in their children. They tend not to offer much by way of emotional support and validation, and the ...

Images of child sex abuse have reached a crisis point on the internet, spreading at unprecedented rates in part because tech platforms and law enforcement agencies have failed to keep pace with the problem. But less is understood about the issue underlying it all: What drives people to sexually abuse children? Science in recent years has begun to provide some answers. One thing most pedophiles have in common: They discover, usually as teenagers, that their sexual preferences have not matured lik...

Much of my professional career has involved speaking, writing, and interpreting research about how to handle relationships that have gone wrong: partnerships that are controlling or toxic, for instance, or where trust has been broken. I'm often asked how to handle infidelity, betrayal, or emotional upheaval within a relationship — and it can be heartbreaking how widespread those issues tend to be. But just as important is learning to identify when a relationship is going well. Many people are un...

the word ‘responsibility’ and how often it gets confused with blame, which of course implies that someone or something is at fault for a given situation. And it always has a pejorative flavor to it; no one opens up their arms and says, ‘bring on the blame!’ Quite the contrary… while many love to give it, we’re loathe to get it and will do almost anything to keep the hot potato of fault as far away from ourselves as possible. Responsibility, on the other hand, to me is something vastly more power...

It's hard to empathize with someone who carries out a school shooting. The brutality of their crimes is unspeakable. Whether the shootings were in Uvalde, Columbine, or Parkland, they have traumatized students and communities across the U.S. Someone went out of their way to target and kill children who look like our children, teachers who look like our teachers — and did it for no other reason than to hurt them and that's very personal. Law enforcement agents as well spend a lot of time thinking...

Rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. And most of us have had a good dose of it. Whether we didn’t get a job we applied for, weren’t admitted to our top choice college, didn’t make it to the team we tried out for, or didn’t score a second date with the person we were sure was going to become our soulmate, many of us have experienced rejection first hand. Hearing “no, not interested” doesn’t feel good. Regardless of how hard you want to look at the bright side of it, rejection doesn’t build char...

Confidence in one's value as a human being is a precious psychological resource and generally a highly positive factor in life; it is correlated with achievement, good relationships, and satisfaction. Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive relationships and situations. Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. It can also be a s...

Anxiety is both a mental and physical state of negative expectation. Mentally it is characterized by increased arousal and apprehension tortured into distressing worry, and physically by unpleasant activation of multiple body systems—all to facilitate response to an unknown danger, whether real or imagined. The cognitive feelings of dread in anticipation of some bad outcome, and physical sensations such as jitteriness and a racing heart are designed for discomfort. Anxiety is meant to capture at...

Though our need to connect is innate, many of us frequently feel alone. Loneliness is the state of distress or discomfort that results when one perceives a gap between one’s desires for social connection and actual experiences of it. Even some people who are surrounded by others throughout the day—or are in a long-lasting marriage—still experience a deep and pervasive loneliness. Research suggests that loneliness poses serious threats to well-being as well as long-term physical health. Whether a...

Keeping the brain engaged is key to building resilience. By seeking out new challenges and activities, people can take their resilience to the next level by developing wisdom. Wisdom is more strongly associated with life satisfaction than physical health, finances, socioeconomic status, social involvement, physical environment, and age. Among older hospice patients and nursing home residents, wisdom is more connected to their sense of wellbeing. One way to understand wisdom is to observe it as a...

When making a decision, we form opinions and choose actions via mental processes which are influenced by biases, reason, emotions, and memories. The simple act of deciding supports the notion that we have free will. We weigh the benefits and costs of our choice, and then we cope with the consequences. Factors that limit the ability to make good decisions include missing or incomplete information, urgent deadlines, and limited physical or emotional resources. When people are put in a familiar sit...

For centuries scientists, science writers and philosophers have encouraged us to trust our common sense (Lilienfeld et al., 2010; Furnham, 1996). Common sense is a phrase that generally implies something everyone knows. One of the definitions of common sense given by Wikipedia is, “good sense and sound judgment in practical matters.” Common sense psychology is a myth. What appears to be common sense is often common nonsense. Scott Lilienfeld, co-author of 50 Great Myths of Popular Psychology, sa...

There is a great deal of information available about depression. But when you live with a depressed person, it can be painfully difficult. Anti-depressants are the number-one prescribed medication in this country, but they are not a panacea. Many with depression continue to suffer, or at least have symptomatic periods. This, in turn, affects those who love them. It can be especially difficult when the person with depression is your child or a partner. Many parents feel it is their duty to rescue...

When children are raised with chronic loss, without the psychological or physical protection they need—and certainly deserve—it is most natural for them to internalize incredible fear. Not receiving the necessary psychological or physical protection equals abandonment, and living with repeated abandonment experiences creates toxic shame. Shame arises from the painful message implied in abandonment: You are not important. You are not of value. This is the pain from which people need to heal. Tune...

Relationship scientist Raymond Knee coined the terms “destiny beliefs” and “growth beliefs” to describe an individual’s general approach to seeking and maintaining romantic relationships. People with destiny beliefs assume there is one person out there who they are meant to be with (a soulmate). They believe once they find the right person, the relationship will be relatively smooth and easy. In contrast, people with growth beliefs go into relationships assuming they will need to get to know eac...

For anyone whose life revolves around caregiving, including the parents of special-needs children, there are inherent risks that can jeopardize both their own well-being and that of the people they care for. Insufficient management of one’s own stress as one cares for others can lead to emotional burnout and feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and paralysis. Experts advise parents to find a practice that works for them, whether therapy, exercise, mindfulness, or another approach. It may brin...